You’ve been a difficult year indeed. Universally.
Even writing this letter hasn’t been easy.
Before you get any fancy ideas though, let me tell you that the sole purpose of this letter is to kick you out of my life. Once and for all.
I remember the night of your arrival. As clearly as if it was just yesterday.
We had arranged a party for you. I was back home after a couple of months living away. My cousins, aunts, uncles, and parents had all gathered at my maternal uncle’s house. The terrace was all decked up in lights. A smoky and delicious smell was playing in the air as my brother grilled chicken in a corner. My uncle was setting up the make-shift bar in the other corner while my younger cousins giggled in the excitement of consuming alcohol for the first time with family.
The rough floor of the terrace was covered in carpets and the shed above our head was protecting us from the dew of that wintry night. Each edge of the terrace was lined with pots of plants. The entire atmosphere was of joy and merriment. Each one of us were ready with open arms to welcome you.
The scene is usually the same at the end of every year. But this year it was somewhat special. Maybe it had something to do with your name.
Also, the truck load of expectations we threw at you.
Oblivious to what is coming our way, we put on some music and started to tap our feet and feel the beat. And the night came and went peacefully. Like the lull before the storm.
For the first couple of months, you were amazing.
I don’t know about anyone else, but you showed me how my life was supposed to be like. I was finally doing what I wanted to. It wasn’t easy but it wasn’t difficult either. I was stepping up the ladder of my dreams.
I had plans. And a planner.
I was stepping out of my cage. Finally, with enough confidence and courage, I was attempting to do things I was so scared of.
None of it was as easy as it sounds. But we were figuring things out. And we were having a really great time doing that.
After a long time, I was feeling the word… PERFECT.
But of course, I should’ve known. I should’ve known that perfection is just an illusion. With time, it all fades away. With time, the real picture starts materializing and we are left with nothing much but disappointment.
Fine. Disappointment was my old friend. So, I embraced it.
However, I fell down the ladder. Thankfully, on a cushion, and I didn’t get too hurt. I still had my limbs and hence, even though I had to change my course, I survived.
But you were determined to break me.
You couldn’t take away my will to survive. But you started taking people out of my life. People I had never met but known, people I’ve known but hardly met, people you thought we could do without.
Everyone started noticing your true colours. You could’ve been bad. But you decided to be cruel. Brutal. Devilish. Demonic. Disastrous. Unforgettable. And yet the one, whom everyone just wants to forget so badly.
You took me to the peak of the mountain, showed me the gorgeous view, and pushed me over the edge. You left me broken. Heart and spirit.
All I’ve known this year is… loss. One after another.
But let me tell you what happened after you pushed me off the edge.
Wait, you know what? You don’t deserve any more words.
F**k off, you shitty year!
Everyone (mostly me).
Note to self – Why does all this sound like a letter to an ex?